D/s can be obsessively exciting for a new sub and consequently there is a tendency to think with something other than your brain. Before you do ANYTHING, give yourself time to think and be rational.
Submission should be an intelligent choice, not a sexual frenzy.
And talk to other subs -- learn from our mistakes, benefit from our experience; there is no need to reinvent the wheel.
Even in our little world, there is danger. For all new Doms and subs alike, here are a few standard rules to make your transition into online D/s a safer, happier one.
1. You do not have to answer every Instant Message that you get. Should you get one that is vulgar, rude or harassing, simply use the ignore button. Even if you are a new sub and the IM is from an "online Dominant", no one has to take abuse.
2. Do some reading! The fact that you're here is a good start! But there are many good books about D/s on the market. Doing your homework can really pay off.
3. When you make your first few forays into the chat rooms, don't announce in the open room who you are and what you're looking for. That is a magnet for anyone out there looking for quick and easy cyber sex. If you're seriously looking for friends, contacts and possible partners, be discreet. Read profiles. Make polite conversation in the room. Show respect, and you'll earn it in kind.
4. Each room has a different personality. Try them all, and see which one fits you best.
5. Never give your real name, phone number, credit card information or any other personal information to anyone you've just begun to talk to online. Get to know someone over time before revealing anything of importance!! Chat Nicknames are sufficient in the beginning.
6. When approached by a potential partner, ask questions!! Get to know the person as well as online will allow, and then very discreetly ask around for references about that person. Please heed any warnings you may receive about an individual, but be sure you ask for more than one opinion. If you cannot find anyone online who will vouch for this potential partner either way, please proceed very slowly. Remember that online is no different than real life. Make them earn your trust.
7. Always be aware that this form of communication harbours unsavoury characters, just as any other. And also be aware that people may not always be who they appear, or claim to be. If you proceed at a cautious rate, you'll save yourself some possible heartache down the road.
8. Phone calls: If someone wishes to speak with you, and you aren't entirely trusting of them yet, offer to call them instead of giving your number out. You can disable any possible caller-ID function they have by punching in the disable code (check your phone book information pages, or call your phone company.) Keep your first conversation brief and friendly. If you still harbour doubts at the end of this, continue to call them. Never go against your instincts -- they are your most valuable resource. If they demand your number and you've respectfully and repeatedly told them no, perhaps it's time to close that particular door.
9. Even if you live close to someone you meet online, it's not a good idea to move into meeting them too quickly. Take your time in getting to know them, speak several times on the phone, and if you do agree to meet, set it up at a public place, set up a Safe call. A serious potential partner won't mind.
10. Safe Sane and Consensual, always
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